The "Fun" of Christmas with Autism
This isn't one of those posts where I'm all like "Christmas with an Autistic Child is like a dream come true..." because it just stinks.
The case of the stinks starts pretty much right after Thanksgiving. Or rather on Thanksgiving.
Christmas tree getting leads to over load. Decorating leads to overload. Cookies lead to overload. Church performances lead to overload. Shopping leads to overload. Everything leads to overload.
And a lot of times people don't see it unless you are in the house with an Autistic child. THEN I'm sure you see it.
Our son, Calvin, will fall asleep when he's overloaded. People say "oh, the poor thing's had a busy day."
Nope, he just can't take anyone or anything, anymore.
Which is a great coping mechanism until it's 2 am and he's raring to go while punching me in the face to watch this one commercial with him. Over and over and over and over.
Oh the Christmas joy.
Then there are the times when he doesn't even try to hide his overloaded-ness from anyone.
Take last Sunday in church for example...
Our cute, adorable Emma (who I always seems to describe like Grover) sang in church with some other girls. Nick pulls out his phone to video tape it.
So here is the next 2 minutes of Calvin, full volume, in church with a somewhat Veruca Salt tone in his voice:
"I knew you had your phone.
Why can't I play games on your phone?
No cell phones in church!
No cell phones in church!
Let me play games on your phone!
Why not?
No cell phones in church!
No cell phones in church!
You never let me play games in church!"
Oh.sweet.baby.Jesus.
If you seeing me saying this to my son it's not because I don't love him but rather because I am tired of whisper arguing in church after 3 sleepless nights.
Anyway, this is one of those Autism Mom Public Service Announcements to say, if you know someone who has an Autistic child, please cut them a little slack. We all have a lot on our plates this time of year but for those of us with a child from Autism it takes everything to a completely whole new level.
Just imagine we're trying to pacify one child so they won't completely fly off the handle at an event or at home and we are trying to make sure the children who don't have autism aren't feeling like the autistic child is spoiled and everything is focused on them and we are trying to plan for every little thing...is aunt so and so wears her strong perfume and they are going to complain loudly about how bad she smells what are you going to do? Or if that dog that they hate is there what are you going to do? Or if other kids want a turn with the toys at Grandma's and they don't' understand, what are you going to to? We have 18 backup plans with 2 more to have as backup plans to our backup plans. All that coupled with remembering green bean casserole and wrapping gifts and everything can just feel chaotic and overwhelming.
So if you know a Momma (or a Daddy!) who's little one has Autism, a hug and a starbucks giftcard can go a long way towards making us feel like we're not in this alone. That you get it. That you're here for us.
And if you are celebrating Christmas with a little one on the spectrum please don't be freaked out. Be understanding but don't treat them with kid gloves. They will be able to sense it and that alone will feel weird and foreign. Just be you to them and loving and understanding if they need to back away. Look for those signs. The child isn't trying to be defiant or naughty by not wanting to participate or do something but rather that may be their way of shutting down as a coping mechanism to try to avoid overload. We sure love our little ones don't we? Christmas is so special for them and even if they aren't participating or are struggling, they're still here doing it with us. They know everything around them and they get it on a deep level, trust me.
All that being said...
Merry Christmas! I have a feeling it will definitely not be a Silent Night.